MENTAL HEALTH MINUTE: Think your way out of holiday stress

By Mike Missory

With the holiday season rapidly approaching, many of our thoughts turn to the joys of spending time with family and friends. For most, the holidays are a time to visit with family, reconnect with friends, and just enjoy down time from our hectic schedules.

Although the idea of the holidays involves fun, family-oriented activities, the reality is that the holidays cause a great deal of anxiety. Almost everyone has been stressed at some point during the holiday season. The upcoming Thanksgiving holiday provides a good example. With the prevalence of divorce, blended families, and in-laws, many people believe they are obligated to eat dinner in several locations and at various times; resulting in a dizzying array of conflicting schedules. People in such a predicament often feel hurried all day and have thoughts such as: "What time must we be at the in-laws for dinner?" This naturally creates stress.

Furthermore, if you happen to be the host of a Thanksgiving dinner, you may have anxiety related to cooking a traditional Thanksgiving meal. Stress and pressure may be induced by thoughts such as: "My Thanksgiving dinner must be perfect and everyone should enjoy their meal." Before you realize it, your pleasurable, carefree holiday has become an exhausting, stress-filled ordeal that must be endured, not enjoyed.

The remedy may lie in altering your thoughts. Psychologist Albert Ellis believes that our emotional reactions are controlled by our unchallenged "irrational" thoughts, not directly by the environment. For example, Thanksgiving dinner triggers a thought that you want it to be "perfect." However, since perfection is impossible, our stress increases because we are desperately trying to do what cannot be done. So the holidays did not cause our stress; instead our "irrational" desire for "perfection" caused our stress.

Thoughts such as "I should be able to please everyone by making it to every dinner" or "I must provide the perfect meal" are common. A simple adjustment in our thoughts can have a dramatic effect on our stress level. If we replace our "shoulds" and "musts" with more reasonable thoughts, our anxiety level will likely decrease and our enjoyment of family will increase. You might replace the "shoulds" with thoughts like "it would be nice if . . ." or "I would prefer that . . ." You will likely notice your desperation level diminish just by changing these thoughts.

So we should not try to change our many social and familial demands (a nearly impossible task) but rather manage our emotional reactions through our own thoughts. Instead of trying to create a perfect holiday, we can enjoy the holiday experience by simply altering our expectations and embracing the imperfection. By focusing on the more important aspects (time spent with loved-ones) rather than the minor details (the dryness of the turkey), we can then be free to truly enjoy our holiday season.

This column is presented by Manatee Glens. . . Helping Families in Crisis through Mental Health and Addiction Services and supports the community through prevention and recovery.. This not-for-profit health care provider delivers services from seven Manatee County locations including the Manatee Glens East, located at 5233 4th Avenue Circle East on State Road 64. Manatee Glens welcomes your questions about mental health and substance abuse matters. For further information, call 941-782-4299 or send an e-mail to exeoffice@manateeglens.com.