Long-Term Romantic Love

By Dayna Haynes

Now that Valentine’s Day has passed, it is important to talk frankly about real love.

On Wednesday, some people looked at their sweetheart and wondered where the passion and fire went.  At the beginning, it was all about each other. Social events would be avoided to stay home and make love. Hundreds of dollars were spent eating at restaurants and buying flowers.  Hours were spent on the phone, wanting to know everything about the other person. 

Have the responsibilities, the kids, or just life ended the relationship that started so passionately? 

It is likely that the love is still there.  In fact, it is probably much stronger than it ever was.

So why the concern when that initial passion has waned?  We are bombarded by sexual images & themes daily.  They suggest that the initial passion is all a relationship is about. In such a climate, being “comfortable” in a relationship is almost a dirty word.  In fact, comfort and peace is the complete opposite of the excitement at the beginning of the relationship.

Before everyone goes off willy-nilly searching for “new” love, a little perspective is in order.  Romantic love tends to promote the idea that “the grass is greener on the other side”. But before love was found with one’s current main squeeze, wasn’t a lot of time spent searching for a special someone? 

Many grew up wishing for someone who loves them for who they are, someone to grow old with, and someone who can also be a best friend.  For some of us, we have seen this in our parents or grandparents and we want it too.   

Romantic love means that the years together seem to go quickly because they are fun, because you can read each other’s thoughts, because you say the same word at the same time, because you can still talk for hours and for a long list of other endearments.  Such a relationship involves a deep understanding of your love’s values or personality; you may rarely have misunderstandings anymore or certainly resolve them quickly when they happen.

Love is expressed not just with sex, but in so many other ways.  We show it in the way we order food for the other person, how we worry when they are late getting home from work, how we say “drive carefully” to remind them about safety, and how we nurse them when they are sick.  That kind of love gets you through disagreements, money problems, and dinner with the in-laws.

Within long-term romantic loving relationships, a level of trust and respect has been built layer by layer over time.  We can become more concerned for our sweetie’s life than our own. Such depth of feeling is not present in the passion that begins relationships.  That initial fire does not include giving up things that are important to you. Without a deeper kind of love, we wouldn’t risk or share our bank accounts with each other. Truly, such a love has a passion all its own.