PREPARING FOR YOUR HIGH SCHOOL REUNION

By

Robert Boxley Ph.D.

It is long been known that people become more strongly cohesive when the entry requirements into a group are very stringent, challenging or traumatic.  Because of this, in wars over the last century Brooklyn longshoremen and Oklahoma wheat farmers have been bonding in foxholes, flak-infested skies, steamy jungles and arid deserts.  Their common experience overcomes their differences. Forever after, share a special connection that is difficult to define.  This universal principal probably applies in some measure to that developmental battle that many of us have suffered through: high school.  It also applies to the obligatory reunions that follow graduation.

High school is the unique time when we form new values and attitudes independent of parental influence. Amazingly, our chosen values during these formative years can draw a roughly accurate sketch for what is to come.  The intellectuals went on to teach, write books, and become successful professionals.  The popular folks became successful sales representatives, customer service managers and businesspeople. The creative ones are still creating and the partiers are still partying or are just coming out of rehab.  In the midst of this, nearly everyone has also reproduced a new crop of high-schoolers, assuring the existence of reunions for years to come.

If you’re approaching your own high school reunion, here are a few things to remember: 

• Prepare to be shocked at how old everyone but you is.  I was amazed at the huge numbers of middle-aged classmates I saw at my 30th high school reunion.   When we were in school I assumed that we were approximately the same age but clearly everyone else in my class must have been 28 at high school graduation. This is the only explanation I can offer.             

• “Name tags, nametags, nametags” are as important to the reunion crowd as

“location, location, location is to the real estate business.  Without a nametag, you are nobody (or at least no one recognizable).  Without your high-school name on your blouse (or in one case affixed to one’s décolletage), not even your best friend will recognize you.  Most introductions begin with a quick glance at your nametag to make sure you are who you are.  For the slower readers in the class, this process can take some time.

Due to a bizarre imprinting phenomenon that solidly imprints despite your high school persons in the memories of your classmates, they will still see you as the acne-ridden 10th grader of your past despite your many accomplishments after high school.  I sometimes imagine the jocks stuffing Bill Gates into a locker at his 40th reunion as in old times.  Like the world’s richest man, your reputation was also set many years earlier and classmates will continue to see you in that light.  It is that memory they will conjure up when reading your nametag for the first time.  Luckily, one old friend said she remembered me always smiling when I walked the halls.  I could have endured a worse reputation (and definitely would deserve it).

A corollary of the above is that you expect that after many decades, you will have something to discuss with your long-lost classmates.  You probably won’t.  If you were not interested in talking with certain people in high school, you will probably not be interested in talking with at the reunion.  They will likely share this opinion and avoid eye contact with you. Conversely, those that you did spend long hours with in high school discussing the meaning of life, one’s latest Asteroids score or the prom queen’s awful coif will still be good conversational partners now-perhaps even about the same topics. You’ll undoubtedly share much laughter as the high-risk, idealistic or frankly idiotic exploits of one’s youth are rehashed with relish by all.

Bring earplugs.  The DJ at my reunion must have misread the year and thought that it was my 300th class reunion and that we all needed to be sonically raised from the dead. Inexplicably, he also thought that we would all like to return from the afterlife to the disco tune “Stayin’ Alive”.  Bone up on your Hustle skills; they will serve you well.

Be yourself.  Because your reputation already imprinted, spending a lot of energy on putting forth a new and improved persona is going to be largely wasted.  You may get a few minutes of “Wow!” and “My you’ve changed!” but after that, the “old you” stories will get far more airplay.  The exception to this rule is if you want to advertise some aspect of the “new you” in a big way.  That mini-skirted trophy wife with legs up to her underarms springs to mind. However, whether this says something flattering about you is another matter.  Google “inadequacy compensation” for more information.

Don’t tell people that you are from the Sarasota area- stick with Lakewood Ranch and deny any geographical nearness to Sarasota.  For reasons that I am not clear about, the rest of the country seems to think that everyone in Sarasota knows Katherine Harris personally.  I received all kinds of suggestions on what she should do with her campaign, some of which cannot be printed in a family publication, others which showed genuine concern.  

 Finally, go with friends.  If you attend your high school reunion with some old classmates/friends or a spouse, you will at least have these people to talk with.  You may even rekindle a long-lost connection with your old friends. At the very least you, will have a good time.