Developing Community Bonds

In a Mobile Society

by Nestor Levesque, M.Ed., LMHC

Anyone who has been through a move knows just how stressful it can be. Moving has been described as one of the three most stressful life events, along with death and divorce. Once you get through the move itself, you face the challenge of replacing old, comfortable relationships with new ones in your new community. There are things you can do to minimize the stresses in this process.    

How do I know? I’ve just been through it. Boxes all over the house! Stacks of newspaper for wrapping breakables! Frazzled nerves! For-sale signs and open houses! These are the unmistakable signs of moving. Not long ago I was walking through a maze of boxes in my house and trying to get through the Sunday paper quickly so we would have something to wrap our drinking glasses.

My family wasn’t the only one on the move. The magazine Psychology Today reports that almost 20 percent of Americans move each year. When you consider that the population of the United States is estimated to be over 295 million, that’s a lot: 59 million people moving to a new place in any given year

My family and I were part of that migration just over a year ago, when we moved from Massachusetts to Florida. “Stressful” can’t begin to describe the experience of moving with three children, an elderly parent, a dog and three fish. Thank goodness we all made it to Florida safe and sound.

Adjusting to a new location is almost as difficult as the move itself. After you’ve unpacked the dishes and disposed of all the boxes disposed, then what do you do? Here are some ways to help to establish connections in a new community:

• Move to similar surroundings if possible. Experts say this can be helpful, although it isn’t always possible. Even so, trying to find a new community that is similar to your old one can reduce stress for everyone. 

• Reestablish routines as soon as possible. Moving strips away everything that makes people feel comfortable and secure. Getting back into a familiar routine as quickly as possible helps everyone feel more like they are “home.”  

• Get involved with your local house of worship. This is one of the best ways to establish connections in a new community. My wife called a Florida church before we moved here, to ask if there was a real estate agent in the congregation. Once we got here, we received a warm welcome from the church community. 

• Maintain your old club ties. Joining or transferring membership in a civic or social club is one of the easiest ways to connect with others after a move.  

• These organizations offer an automatic connecting point with other people who share your interests. 

• Seek out professional organizations. Many people move because of a job change. Professional organizations have local chapters in most larger cities. Find one, then join and attend meetings. It not only helps you to establish connections; it also keeps you current with changes in your profession. 

• Meet your new neighbors. When you finally get into that new house, make it a point to meet your neighbors. Invite them over for coffee. Let the kids work their magic. My younger daughter was in our house less then an hour before she began playing with a little girl from the house across the street. Before the day was out, we met the little girl’s mom and dad and made our first valuable connection.  

• Volunteer. This is a good way to meet people while and also do something to help others. Hospitals and other local organizations that help the needy are usually looking for help with the very necessary services they provide. 

• Keep your old friends. Even though you have to make new connections in a new location, don’t forget your old friends. They offered comfort in your old communities and their support now can make the transition to your new life smoother. Stay in contact with them. Technology has made this easier then ever with cell phones and email. 

• Reach out to other newcomers. With the large number of people who move each year, it is very likely that you or someone next to you has moved recently. Remember to reach out to your new neighbors. They’ll appreciate it and you just might make yourself a great new friend.

While nothing will entirely eliminate all the stress that moving brings, establishing bonds in the new location will go a long way towards minimizing the impact of a move on you and your family. Nothing matches the bond you can forge by working together with loved ones. Realize that moving to a new location can generate nostalgia for the past and may even result in homesickness. Be patient and help one another through the transition. Developing new relationships in a new location doesn’t happen overnight; it takes time and patience.

Moving can be stressful, but you can take control of it. Although new locations and new jobs may present obstacles, they also bring opportunities for adventure, learning and fun. Go out and buy a newspaper. There’s a glass somewhere that needs to be packed!

Nestor Levesque, M.Ed., Licensed Mental Health Counselor, is clinical manager of Manatee Glens Adult Outpatient Services at the Manatee Glens Sixth Avenue facility, 379-391 Sixth Ave. W, Bradenton. He holds a bachelor’s degree in psychology from Southeastern Massachusetts University and a master’s in education/counseling from Bridgewater State College, MA. A substance abuse and mental health counselor since 1984, he has provided counseling services in a number of facilities over the past 22 years. He joined Manatee Glens in November 2005, following an eventful move to Florida.